July

"This is me, anyway."

Oh, hi! It's been awhile since the last time.
Here's a story. 😉

It's my birthmonth, it's time for a haircut. So, I went to salon and spa.

And ayun, Si ate na hairdresser, ma-chika. While she was cutting my hair, she said, "Ganda ng buhok mo." and ofcourse I replied, "Ay natural lang yan, ate. Never pa akong nagpa-rebond, relax, hot oil, hair dye." She looked at me like she didn't believe what I said. Haha! But she said, "Ipa-treatment mo lang para 'di buhaghag, ganda ng buhok mo." Infairness, someone appreciated my natural hair. Haha!  Kahit na most of the time, 'buhaghag' yung buhok ko kasi 'di ako mahilig magsuklay. Hahaha! (basta naliligo everyday okay na'ko haha!)

She asked me kung saan ako nag-aaral, akala nya nag-aaral pa ako. (Senior Highschool) So sinabi ko sa kanya na graduate na ako.  She replied, "Ah, graduate ka na pala ng highschool? Tapos 'di ka na nag-college?" I answered, "Graduate na po ako ng college." She asked me what's my course. I answered, "BSIT po." Then she said, "Ang galing naman! Buti tinapos mo. Kasi yung ibang gaya mo, (with physical disability) nahihiya at na-bubully kaya 'di na lumalabas o tinutuloy ang pag-aaral o pangarap."

After that, she asked me what's my name.

Growing up with orthopedic disability (PWD) is not easy. Hindi naman kasi magandang ma-bully, tawanan, at pagtinginan. We all know that.  Pero 'di naman yun maiiwasan minsan. Minsan nga, naiyak na lang talaga ako eh. Pero pagkatapos nun, okay na, 'wag magpa-apekto.

It's hard, but it works.

Sabi nga nila, hindi ka naman bubuhayin ni God dito sa mundo kung walang purpose. 😊


Akiramenaide!

K.

“It’s sad but it’s true.”

2yrs ago, the story ended long time ago. And I can finally say that we’re okay. No hard feelings.

I sent a message to him, out of the blue. Yung tipong gusto mo lang sabihin yung gusto mong sabihin? He replied. He said, “Sorry...” Lahat ng negative vibes/hatred ko sa kanya, nawala na bigla. Ang gaan sa pakiramdam. Because of that conversation, I can finally say that I’m genuinely fine.---Moving forward.

One-sided love is really hard. I learned a lot. It made me strong. 

2014

"You stay a little while, and touch me with your smile."

June 2014 -  First impression ko sa kanya: snob, smart, serious, a kind of person who doesn't know how to have fun. Pero nung nakilala ko na siya, everything has changed.

August 2014 -   I didn't know his full name. I ended up asking my classmates.

Small talks, casual conversations. He asked me questions na feeling ko...just to keep the conversation? Eh basta yun. I admire him for that kasi mahiyain ako, mas gusto ko na ako yung unang tinatanong. Until he suddenly asked the question, "Paano ka magkaka-boyfriend nyan?" I was surprised. I didn't answer. I ended up smiling at him. (pabebe lang? lol!) Maybe, he's just friendly.

I noticed na every week na siyang nasa tabi ko. (once a week ko lang siya nakikita) Dedma lang ako sa gesture niyang yun kasi naisip ko, there's nothing wrong if he decided to sit beside me.

September 2014 - He was sitting beside me and he said, "Giniginaw ka? He stood, pinahinaan niya yung aircon. (sumusobra naman kasi yung lamig ng aircon sa room na yun) That's sweet. Simple joys.

I'll never forget that day when he stood right in front of me..just the two of us (ano daw? naks!) and he said, "Tara kain tayo..." He said that 2-3 times but I refused. Sinabi ko sa kanyang busog ako, pero gusto ko rin siyang samahan, nagpigil lang ako. (pero sa itsura niya, konting pilit na lang sasamahan ko na talaga siya) But it's not the right time.

October 2014 -  Exam. He suddenly barged into the classroom where I was. Well, pwede naman yun. Haha! He sat beside me. While I was taking the exam, he just kept on talking like, "Patingin nga, sure ka na ba dyan? Galing ah." Gusto ko siyang palayasin sa tabi ko that time, hindi ako makapag-concentrate. Ang kulit lang. I got used to it.

November 2014 - When he said, "You deserved it. :)" --- Happiness.

February 2015 -  Valentine's Day. He saw me, I saw him. We smiled at each other. (ano daw? haha!) I was waiting for my bestfriend kasi we decided na mag-date since wala kaming ka-date. He approached me and he said, "Ba't 'di ka pa umuuwi?" Ang nasabi ko naman, "Tagal ng date ko. Haha!" then there was an...awkward silence? He smiled but it felt awkward. He asked, "Kailan graduation?" I answered, "April. Malayo pa. Haha!" then he said, "Malapit na yun! Wait lang, babalik ako." I nodded. After awhile, naramdaman kong may humampas ng face towel sa'kin. It was him. He apologized and smiled. I smiled back. He's such a...never mind.

I was eating lunch with my bestfriend when I saw him and he was like, *pahingi naman ng kinakain mo look with pa-cute effect* So ayun, I smiled at him. After we ate lunch, nag-coffee kami ni bestfriend before umuwi. We went to a cafe. He was there, nag-papalibre pa nga at humawak pa sa balikat ko. Maybe, he didn't notice what he just did? because he even said "sorry"-- gentleman, hihi! While I was listening sa mga kwento ni bestfriend, napatingin ako sa way niya then I realized that I was staring at him. He looked at me and smiled. Thank God he smiled. Oh, that smile.

March 2015 - Last day of school, after class. Nag-text sa'kin si bestfriend na magkita kami. I love coffee. Kaya pati si bestfriend, no choice na samahan akong mag-kape kapag magkasama kami. Haha! Again, he was there. Tambay na yata siya dun o trip niya lang. So there, nag-kape kami ni bestfriend at nag-kwentuhan then suddenly, may old woman na pumasok at lumapit sa table namin, asking for some money kasi daw ganito and ganito, binigyan namin kahit paano pero after nun, nag-demand pa yung ale. He suddenly called my name and said, "Wag mong pansinin." So I didn't. I wasn't looking to the old woman neither to him, mahirap na. (basta yun. haha!) After awhile, nagpaalam na rin ako sa kanya na mauna na kami ni bestfriend umuwi then he replied, "Ingat!" --- It was a good day after all.

April 2015 - Graduation Day! Finally! It was also the last time I saw him.


..and I just realized that I miss him.

FAM

Spending time with your friends and family is love! It is! 

There's so many ways on how you can spend time with them like roadtrips, window shopping, foodtrips at resto and cafe or even at home, watching your favorite tv shows, movie marathons, videoke/karaoke, playing any kind of games (like kiddos hihi!) etc. Basta yung mga bagay na pare-parehong nyong na-eenjoy tapos samahan nyo pa ng kwentuhan. Happiness! 

Simple things that can bring you happiness that money can't buy. I'm thankful that I have a family/friends like them. 

"The love of family and friends is much more important than wealth and privilege."

12 AM

I still remember those times. How can I forget that? How sweet and painful.

September

" You were all by yourself, staring at the dark gray sky. I was changed."

First day of school, after class. Nakita mo ako, bigla kang lumapit sa akin at ngumiti. Nagtanong ka sa'kin kung okay lang ba ang approach mo sa amin at sinabi ko naman sayo na okay lang kasi yun naman talaga ang totoo. Nahiya ako sayo bigla, normal naman siguro yun. In a short period of time na nakasama kita, kahit paano nakilala kita.---Open-minded at matalino. Wala namang duda dun. Sweet, mabait, at makulit. Normal na siguro sayo yun. And ofcourse, approachable/namamansin. Natuwa ako kasi hindi lahat ng tao ganun. I admire you for that.

You told me na nakita mo tatay ko at ang bait-bait nya. Hindi ko alam kung saan at kailan mo siya nakita siguro nga nakita mo kasi hatid-sundo ako that time. Tinanong mo ako kung paano ako magkaka-boyfriend, tanong ko rin yan sa sarili ko kasi 'di ko talaga alam. Siguro kapag gusto ko yung tao at nagpaalam na sa magulang/tatay ko na gusto akong ligawan. Haha!

I'll always remember those days na naramdaman ko ang appreciation at concern mo sa'kin kahit papaano, Yung mga questions and simple gestures mo gaya ng: Kumusta? Bakit nag-iisa ka dyan? (sinamahan mo ako) Giniganaw ka? (hininaan mo aircon. akala ko pa nga, may pa-jacket ka pa. haha!) "Sa room ka muna mainit dyan." (pakiramdam ko, 'di ka aalis sa harap ko kapag hindi ako sumunod sayo. kaya sumunod na ako) Yung simpleng pagtawag mo sa pangalan ko para lang mag-hi/hello o ngumiti. Sweet.

It was late in September. Just the two of us. Ang tahimik. You sang a song. You stood and went near the window at sinabi mo sa'king, "umuulan.." I just looked at your back, 'di ko ma-explain ang nararamdaman ko that moment tapos bigla ka pang tumayo sa harap ko at sinabing, "Tara kain tayo.." Ilang beses ka nang nagyayang kumain, 'di ko alam kung joke ba yun o ano. Minsan muntik na talaga kitang samahan kaya lang, mahirap na. Pero seriously, gusto pa talaga kitang makilala kung may chance. At kung wala o hindi man, I'm still very glad na nakilala kita. 


Xiexie Ni!

Maybe

"I remember to love, you taught me how."

13 years ago na nang makilala kita, 10 years ago nung huli tayong nagkita. Kilala mo pa kaya ako?

That night, that dream. Hinanap ko pa talaga name mo sa fb. Seriously, inalala ko pa talaga. I sent you a request and we became "fb" friends. I realized na nakakamiss din pala, biglang nag-flashback lahat. Nakakatuwa na nakakakilig kasi mga totoy at neneng pa tayo nung sinabi mo sa'king love/crush mo ako ng harapan, yung paghawak mo sa kamay ko, yung halos araw-araw na pagsasabi mo sa'kin ng "I love you" with eye to eye contact pa. Yun nga lang, ayaw ko sayo dahil madalas mo akong asarin kasi may pagka-pilyo ka at makulit. Masarap ding balikan ang mga alaala paminsan-minsan.

Ngayon, hindi ko na alam. Pakiramdam ko bigla kang umiwas. May nagawa ba akong mali? Hindi mo ako kinakausap. Nakaka-frustrate. Yung mga kaibigan ko kinakausap mo pero kapag ako na ang nag-approach sayo, wala talaga. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan. Siguro nga naiilang ka dahil alam mo na gusto kita. kahit lumipas na ang mahabang panahon at matagal na tayong 'di nagkikita. Pero ganoon nga yata talaga. Iintindihin ko na lang, yun na lang ang magagawa ko.

Natutuwa ako sa kung ano ka ngayon kasi 'di ko akalaing magiging ganyan ka, isang responsible, God-fearing, napagmahal na anak, kapatid, at kaibigan. Natutuwa ako para sayo.

Thank you kasi isa ka sa mga unang taong naka-appreciate sa'kin. Masarap sa pakiramdam. Maraming salamat dahil marami akong natutunan. Naniniwala ako na magkikita rin ulit tayo sa tamang panahon. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

Arigatou!